Being Irresponsible

I haven't been visiting my own blog for weeks!! Guess there is no point giving excuses that I was busy with my own stuff, but now is the perfect excuse to be here - it's 6.45am, work starts at 9 and I haven't slept.

Spent whole night turning around the bed, trying not to think about project assignments, about computers, about shitty on-call customers, in the end it gets difficult trying to think of not thinking about it and gets me nervous. I can sense that I have been breathing unnaturally heavy, and making my stomach full of air which in makes me sick.

How do I stop this as I would LOVE to quit my job and go back being irresponsible. Back to the days where I sleep 3am and wake up 12pm, nothing to worry about, nothing to pressure about while I eat, shit and sleep of my parents money they transfer me every month. Maybe I'm still not used to working life or maybe I need a break, but I can't lie to myself that my term of 'break' now would indirectly mean a retirement plan.

7am already. 30 minutes left for rest before pulling myself to the bathroom and restarting my whole week again.

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Season Over

this

Game over. Goodbye.

Not a goodnight's sleep tonight, while imagining random people on Facebook already celebrating MU 19th BPL title since we have shot ourselves again and giving them a helping hand to the cup.

How the fuck can these things go wrong? If the goddamn ref wants to hold his goddamn whistle in his goddamn mouth, I'd rather keep the ball out of play rather than hugging someone, giving them nasty ideas and this is what you get: a late late 101th minute penalty.

The ref himself is also the star of the show. 8 minutes of extra time, and you fucking keep it until the 11 minute.

Gahh....

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Worst Case

March 2007

I miss the days when I spend my mornings in front of PS2 or my PC playing games everyday. I still go out occasionally, but if it is not movies/exercise, then it is just going out playing games with friends at cyber cafe. That was when I had completed my STPM and it was holidays for 4-5 months.

Those days, even if I didn't get into my preferred university, worst case is there's always college.

March 2010
I miss the days when I have only 2 days of class every week, and all I have to worry about was my FYP. Then on those days with no class I would go to gym at 9am to workout for an hour, then have breakfast at Old Town, back home at by 11, Facebook while waiting for my roommate to get up and go for lunch and then spend the rest of the day sleep/Facebook/PC games.

Those days, even if I screw up my FYP or my finals, worst case is there's always another year.



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March 2011
I am working in office 8.30am to 7pm. There were several big cases, things didn't work the way it should, which customers are chasing my ass when I will complete, at the same time I have no idea what to do. No lunch break. No tea break. No shitting break. If I'm not at my workstation trying to solve a goddamn 'mystery' issue, I'm busy answering calls while new cases keeps coming up and if I don't get it done in 30 minutes, I'm screwed.

Had to go back to office on Saturday for 'shit-clearing session'. Too many shit pop up last week, and I have to get it done yesterday even though it's not a working day. If I don't clear out some shit yesterday, then I'll have more shit to clear on Monday, and I'm screwed.

Last week, if I didn't get anything done right, I'm screwed. No worst case scenario. No backup. When I'm screwed, it's over.

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Hopefully this week I don't get screwed.

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